“So it was you who picked up the knife and stabbed me in the back, then twisted it in and left me for dead, someone I gave my heart and soul left me for dead again!” A woman’s cry.

Who is a good man? And in what scenario do you judge a man’s personality? Since this post is mainly centred around the possibility of the existence of good men in a century which breaths concurrent unacceptable behaviours from men, it will therefore focus its attention mainly on the relationship between men and women with regards to love-partnership and marriage.

According to popular demand, a good father is expected to have the qualities of a friend and brother. One who fends for his family and protects his relations – making everyday count with what he can provide. Aside from the monetary responsibilities, he should be a good communicator, teacher and playmate. While a good husband or lover is supposed to be faithful, tolerant, supportive of his wife and amongst others, which solely depends on a person’s certain relationship criteria of what is perceived as “unacceptable ” or “admirable”. Yet, for some reason many women tend to think that these qualities are very difficult to find in Nigeria’s modern men.

When individuals are young they make mistakes that most people fail to remember overtime, but in this world were people do not forget because of the internet, mistakes are more likely to stay with certain people for the rest of their lives and documented for their recent and future children and grandchildren to witness. Therefore, when bad experiences between men and women arises especially in marriages, which are mostly attributed to cheating and infidelity, such cases are fuel to gossip blogs. And with the continuous reports of failed relationships and marriages, women are curious as to if there are any good men still in existence, since the male gender takes most of the blame. Truth be told and with particular emphasis on Nigerian men, it is with great displeasure that i say this, men in their multitude have recently become a dishonourable gender. These species have continuously showed signs of dishonesty, immorality, dissoluteness, unchastity and degeneracy, which is now having an adverse reaction on the women. As a consequence, adult male have become blameworthy, hence encouraging women to walk in similar shoes or construct defence shields.

In recent times, the ideology of marriage is sliding towards the traditional intentions of a union. A time when women were expected to mostly cook, clean and reproduce. This is the reason why some women are of the opinion that ladies who are about to be wedded should invest less on wedding gowns, if possible avoid wearing one to a marriage ceremony as the whole fairytale belief attached to matrimony is a sham. Instead women are advised to wear a chef attire or housemaid costume to the occasion due to the fact that the garment represents what the union majorly entails. An awareness or explanation which is said to help brides clarify the position and duties of a wife-to-be, incase she has been led with the wrong impression.

My dear, regardless of what you choose to wear for your nuptial i am sorry to bust your floating bubble as there are many good and responsible men still in existence and there is a special someone out there for everyone, contrary to popular belief. Just as i will explain further in an upcoming post, unfaithfulness should not be the ultimate basis to rule a man off. Also, infidelity alone should not be the reason why men are seen as substandard or a motive to say that “there are no good men still in actuality,” as this is usually the case. If your friend ever advises you to leave your woman because she cheated on you, then you must go in search of a new friend. However, it should be your own uninfluenced will to decide or consider a dissolve if the deceitful methods are taking an adverse effect on your emotions and wellbeing.

Mistakes and regrets often tend to happen when people place high expectations on human beings, as we fail to understand that nobody can give you what they do not have, even when you put a gun to their head. A women cannot expect certain qualities from a man when he is not made of such standards. Also, a man’s behaviour towards a woman is not oftentimes her fault. It is almost entirely not about her but him. The problem is that ladies will continually try to perform miracles by beating a dead donkey in hope that he would resurrect and after many years of forcefully redirecting him to the river, yet he drinks no water. I know the female specie has the power to change circumstances or a person, but my dear it is better to walk away before long if he does not possess your important criteria. An ATM cannot dispense any amount of cash which is not in a persons’s account, unless it is an error. Hence, it will be said that the collector stole. Wake up and smell the coffee. You can fix a mess by a pinch of forgiveness but how long will you continue to pile up a big mess and in what space?

Aside from the fancy bonuses and extravagant lifestyle which women mostly tend to attribute as a habit of a “good man”, i for one would say that a “good man’ is a person who has an inborn nature to support people, sensitive towards loved ones, passionate about his community and accepts his responsibilities wholeheartedly. Please pay attention to “inborn nature” as used in the above interpretation. This means that these commendable characteristics and ascribes are inherent, intrinsic in his subconscious from inception. He was never meant to be taught, as being moral, passionate and tenacious is a part of his essence. He does not have to be nice because you are in a sexual relationship with him, neither does he have to be wicked because you are difficult. That is just who he is and they are a lot of them out there who are excellent fathers, sons, husbands, brothers, friends and lovers. He is able to easily give the goodness which is already imbedded in him, regardless of if the situation does not pay off or fit well into their present lifestyle or future ambitions. However, a “good man” is not expected to fit into a young girls prince charming fairytale, as he is entitled to have an opinion and supposed to show displeasure whenever he deems it fit. He is also HUMAN.

One more thing, woman- troublesome most of the time- have you looked inward? Have you asked yourself why you have finally come to the conclusion that there are no more good men. Are you of any good that you should deserve a good man? If yes, then do you just make the wrong choices due to pity and the avoidance of loneliness. Fortunately, isolation is an awesome feeling when you are in it with yourself. It allows for a better understanding of oneself, mastering what and who is best for your flaws and strength or deserving of your time. I advise that women should put an end to making such irrelevant excuses as it all begins and ends with you. Last i checked, relationships are not expected to be a do or die affair, especially the ugly associations. No person will treat you unfairly, mainly in love and romance, if you have not allowed them behave in such a manner, since you are claimed to be in full control of yourself. A woman should be responsible for who she allows into your private space and finally her heart. It is not at anytime hard to decide if you truly want the best for your body. Therefore, determined that you will not let anyone provide you with less of what is presumed.

Only then will “A woman’s cry” be able to sing
“Once upon a time, with those tender words, you held me in your arms and never freed me again. Now my heart is at peace, happy you came along and made it whole”.

Thank you for taking time out to read my post, I bet you have learnt a thing or two. If you have enjoyed reading this post I recommend you read another one, you might enjoy it even more.

X pj.

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