In the spirit of an approaching year, a new decade to be precise, I wrote down my plans; new year resolution, and for the first time I created a vision board of what I wanted to achieve in 2020 and stuck it on my toilet sink mirror. Trust me, this board was filled with the things I had no idea of attaining, all in one year, unless if the unexpected happens and of course I was hopping for the most likely chance, a surprise, which came in all of its glory. However, not the miracle I envisioned, nothing of such on my piece of paper. The unexpected pandemic happened!
Covid-19, a plague which came without knocking saw its way into many homes, causing havoc and instilling fear. Further dividing social classes and unions. So mighty was its presence that the world had to shut down, stop abruptly. Streets deserted and schools empty, yet hospitals full of patients. Many cried, suffered both mentally and physically. I looked on with pity while I tried my best to secure my home, keeping loved ones close and safe. I held on to the word of God that says “No plague will come near my home.”
The pandemic arrived not only to firmly mould but to instil gratitude. A gratefulness beaming inside allowed me to gladden in the things I own, cheer up in my baby steps and to enjoy the series of strides meant to achieve my numerous goals. Hence, I decided to rid myself of the burdens life had deposited on me, but to secure the remarkable lessons in sight. More sooner than later, I perceived this was not a normal year to receiving but one of cleansing, renewal of the spirit, mind and body. That being the case, the feeling of appreciation enabled me to embark on a more resilient journey, make life altering decisions, however keeping in mind of the difficult conditions ahead.
For the very first time in my life I started and successfully fasted for forty days and I did this twice in the course of the year. I stopped smoking in February, a habit I relinquished as I embarked on lent; forty days fasting before Easter. In November I gave up drinking alcohol. Another habit dropped as I began another forty days fasting of thanks giving. This two habits plus not partaking in sexual intercourse, which I renounced in November the previous year, had now permitted me to live on the other side of life. I wanted to witness my full potential. Emotional stability, effective methods of reasoning and the enduring ability to be persistence and productive drove self-love and self-commitment all year long. In addition, my physical health had also become very important to me. Therefore, I thought it more than wise to embark on this journey of self-actualisation, leaving the things that once brought me pleasure and a sense of belonging.
Amidst the widespread disease my dreams came alive. I witnessed favour and grace indeed. It will be unfair to my creator to say 2020 was not one of my best years. For me, his hand was written all over this year. He guided, journeyed and taught me, and kept my family safe. Where there was mourning in the land, in my home was jubilation. We thanked him not once but too many times.
I know this was not the case for so many people, but this is my story. Many lost financially, emotionally and physically. Loss of loved ones, jobs and asserts was the circumstance that befell a large sum. Nevertheless, when it was my turn, I harvested that which I had planted and the good of the land. I ticked the most important goal on my vision board in December 2020.
Also, this year came with a disheartening understanding of my possible future as a Nigerian living in Nigeria. The abrupt end of the “End Sars” protest shock me to my core. It left a feeling of betrayal and emptiness. I became afraid for my son and I. For the first time I saw the hole we assumed to be “life”, I understood clearly that the future here held nothing tangible for us, especially with such terrible leaders in government. My vulnerability shot up to the moon in such a short span. The lies, conspiracies surrounding events after the shooting at the toll and fear of a rebellion scared me enough to fill in our names at the American Embassy, should incase of an uprising. I have never for once thought of leaving my home for good, but it came down to this heart wrecking situation I did not know I would survive.
At the end of it all, I would say what a remarkable year it was for me! 2020 was good to me. It thought me a lot of lessons and also opened my eyes to the many blessings I am privileged to have acquired with the many burdensome scenarios attached to living in this part of the world. A sense of being, of who I am and what I want was made very clear to me, even though I still struggle to maintain balance. I will advise that during your process of self-actualisation, you will have to change a portion of the old you to get ahead in this world, especially if you have a soft blueberry heart. Being sensitive and polite all the time has its disadvantage, since people use this opportunity to take advantage of your sincerity and loyalty. So sometimes, if you think those words of rejection will hurt them, stay silent and let time do its job. Lastly, improve on your strengths but don’t hide your weaknesses. Welcome to 2021.
Happy Holidays and Many thanks to you for sticking with me these past few years.
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