mental health

Black Eye or Backdown; 5 signs of an abusive partner.

Are you or someone you care about in an abusive relationship? Then you need to pay attention to this writeup or send this to them before they make the bold step towards commitment. This article focuses on men as the abusers, but it is important to note that although men are mostly the abuser, this does not exclude the fact that there are many domestically abusive women in marriages.

For centuries now, women are being used as a solution to downplay stress. The masculinity of a man is yet again tested on a more fragile strength. A partner that makes sure to see or know that he is a man when he detects that she is down, deflated is a better word.


Breaking the pattern of domestic violence can be extremely difficult considering the time it takes to mentally free oneself from abuse. This is why it is therefore advisable not to forge such a relationship, especially if you are in the know about the reoccurring difficulties. Spousal abuse have overtime been connected to chronic health problems, suicide, depression and even manslaughter. Subsequent reports and statistic have shown that women are usually on the receiving end, this is why they are mostly blamed for proceeding with the wedding or with the relationship. It is in such an abusive love affair that the term “black eye” shows itself one too many times. For every time it shows up in and around the eye, she looks weak. Women oftentimes do not intentionally choose to have an abusive partner, it happened to them. Many women however do not see the future neck pain, lacerations, pelvic pain, fractures, soft tissue trauma, migraine headaches and more, since most abusers start off as pleasant and well mannered.

Women of today are privilege that they live in times where domestic violence is discussed. Therefore it is paramount to take heed. Deciding before taking the step into marriage means acceptance, acceptance of what exactly. Have you asked yourself what you are about to undertake. Instead of living a life of constantly fighting to acquire courage, planning a divorce or joining a support network for the sole suppose of living with or leaving an abusive man, I say this to you, backdown now if the signs are glaring. Black eye or Backdown! You decide. Hence, the few signs mentioned below can definitely help to prepare against being a victim of intimate partner abuse.



  1. Distrust

A lot of relationships float on the wings of distrust, therefore it is important to know that it is personal and not necessary you, if you have been a loyal partner. When or if he feels that you cannot be relied on, then you should rethink having to continue the relationship. Suspicion is a mentally unhealthy situation for the accused. It is drowning and exhausting when you have to explain little matters just to win his trust. Some days you might not be in a mood and failing to respond convincing immediately makes you guilty and this could result to a black eye or a fractured bone. Black eye or Backdown?

2. Always wanting to be in control

Domestic violence is the issue of control. The abuser is intent on gaining and maintaining power over his partner through fear and intimidation. Abuse doesn’t necessarily involve physical harm. Obsessive control has the capacity to mentally drain a woman to depression which could lead to suicide or life treating circumstances.

3. Hurtful words

The abuser’s need for control often begins to show itself in the many emotionally intense words he spews. He may criticise the way his friends acts or looks at his woman. He many accuse you of being a bad partner or mother. Speaking ill of you, especially amongst friends or in public are scenarios that build up hatred for him and then flattens your confidence as a woman as it continues. Hurtful words produce Un-forgiveness and, where there is betrayal and lack of protection which heightens intense pain, mental and physical abuse strive

  1. Threats

When the threats starts rolling in then it is time to leave too. Most people take death threats more seriously than other warnings. But I say run when he begins to using intimidating remark. Threats present an imminent danger. Therefore, abusers do keep the promise of intending to inflict pain or injury. Never take any likely. Report to your local police, secure evidence and run for your dear life. It is only a menace who is a danger to himself that has the possibility of endangerment. Do not be caught in his immediate environment due to the numerous uncertainties.

5. Disrespect

Cheating on you is a red flag, especially with close friends or women you know in the neighbourhood. Following too many random women on social media or leaving sexual and admirable remarks on their timelines is another red flag. It clearly shows that he has no respect for you. A man who has no respect for himself will have none for his woman and will hit her when arguments arises concerning his philandering ways. For him to continually do this, he has definitely thought of the solution during a confrontation. A beat down could most likely be the solution.



The increasing risk of being in such a situation always amounts to more difficulties and problems, and the only way to end it is to take action. Women, so many of them allow themselves to be taken advantage of. Many have lost their lives due to this single act of dominance, while some remain disfigured, either physically and mentally or both. The most disheartening of it all is that these women will give you reasons why it is okay. Reasons why it is okay to be smashed up against a wall, kicked in the stomach and a fainting punch to the eye. Why would a woman think this demoralising act is fair to her? It that how much the universe has failed her or is it that she no longer believes in herself? When did the condemnation swing into full effect? Was it when she sole depended on him? When she saw herself as empty; not bringing finances to the table.


Over the years, it has been stated that women who were abused or lived in an abusive home as children find it normal to live with an abusive partner. Whereas, those who practice same sex relationships find it very difficult to leave or report assaults due to societal clutches and fear of unbelief or mental illness. It is important to note that domestic violence affects all types of people and from all ethnic backgrounds. It is evident amongst the rich, poor, educated, uneducated, white, black, christians, muslims, monogamy, polygamy and other categories within the society. What this means is it could happen to anybody.
We must understand that a “Black Eye” don’t lie. Bruises on the body don’t lie. Sadness does not lie.


Saying you ran into a door is a lie. Why are you there? This is not the first time, so why are you there? Life is a complete choice. If you choose to be humiliated, you will be humiliated. If you choose to be cheated upon, you will be cheated on for the rest of the marriage or relationship. If you choose broken limbs, black eye, broken heard, scars here and there, you will get it served to you one too many oftentimes. You chose this for yourself. Lying to yourself shows self-hatred, instead make a complaint of your eyesore situation.

In conclusion, every word and action is very important, as it either breaks or makes us. Therefore, certain word uttered daily or behaviours could build into an abusive relationship. Women who mostly put the blame on their husbands have to look inward as well, since some men are heavily pushed to the wall. Treat others the way you want to be treated.

YESSIN Blogletter
YESSIN Blogletter

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