How do you know HE LOVES YOU

Falling in absolute love can be a powerful life-changing experience. A phenomenon, which a few people on earth are privileged to experience in a lifetime. In the early days of romance between a man and a woman, they will literally act and think in a way that is not as before and dress or talk differently sometimes, as a result of this new intense feeling of burning in the soul. These early lovey-dovey attachments, constant sexual tumblings and romantic candlelit dinners are what is mostly described as to what love is supposed to mean in this day and age. But what happens along the line when it simmers down, when doubts sets in, when she begins to ponder if he truly loves her. A love that accepts no wrong— not qualified or diminished in anyway.

Seeing that most women feel the sensation of love after having sexual intercourse, due to an increase in hormonal levels, they begin to wonder if the same feelings are being generated in the man’s brain as well. And because a man’s brain totally reacts to the feeling of love differently, he most times uses material possessions to express the feelings that are beginning to grow or not there, just to meet up with sudden expectations or sexual commitments. This eventually affects his behaviour in terms of attachment and how feelings of love is supposed to be expressed in a relationship.

he loves me when he buys me expensive gifts. He is so caring, kind and gentle, when he calls me everyday and almost at all times. He introduces me to his family and keeps me updated on his works, he sure loves me.” 

She says

I am sorry to say that there are no ways in which you can genuinely tell that he truly loves you. Costly presents, public display of affection and heartfelt events may create a feeling of your heart racing, sweaty palms and feelings of romance, but is not a sure way of knowing if he truly adores you.

Kind and gentle may be his nature. Calling you at all times could be his insecurities. Buying expensive gifts can mean compensation. Wanting to be with you every now and then could mean he is bored. Showing you off may be a by product of low self-esteem. Marrying you could mean some sort of required identity. And all the happily ever misleading promises may just have been convenient at the time. Whatever he does or says cannot be a full reflection of how he truly feels, even when he is totally taken by you. So my dear, there is nothing tangible or impalpable that can assure you of his love. 

However, since not all men expresses and experience love the same way, all mentioned above could also mean a reflection of the love he truly feels. Or he could even show the wrong signs, which might seem as though he does not take you into consideration, whereas he truly adores you. The only person who would know if truly a deep affection exists in the other party is the man himself.

A man who is totally smitten by a woman could stare at his partner all day. In the same way, he could out of whatever reason best known be withdrawn from her, even when he knows she is the best thing that has ever happened to him. Men discern situations differently from a woman’s perception. Hence, his reasoning and ours are totally different, and his actions unexplainable. The male specie feels less pain, nevertheless a new found love can change his brain chemistry almost immediately. This means, he can replace his lover with an addictive drug or behaviour without great efforts. That is why men can stay in love with one person for many years after she is gone and he is married to another.

As a consequence, stop trying to understand your boyfriend by putting tags or measures to track his love advancements, as these appraisals most likely mean nothing. He could be in love with you, but suffer from great depression. A feeling which results to negativity which breeds an unhealthy relationship. Yet, that does not mean he doesn’t care. At this point you are bound to hear “its complicated, but he loves me”.

To me, the characteristics of a “genuine love” is mostly trust, keeping to promises and making the little things count, which a lot of people neglect or feel is less important in a union or relationship. These powerful, yet so little actions increases the dopamine, happy chemicals in the brain, which trickles down to the body, making the recipient extremely happy for as long as it is present. We hear a lot of people say, “but her boyfriend spoils her, so why it she unhappy or depressed”. The reason oftentimes, which is not always the man’s fault, is that most women make a man feel that material possession is all that is required to make her happy. This awareness results to an overtime of neglecting the little things like asking “how was your day” or “do you want something from the refrigerator”. As well as keeping small promises of being onetime, sorting out a pending issue or behaving in way that has been previously discussed.  

In all, showing love and affection is not a one sided episode of receiving. Love is as though a ball that bounces off the floor, hitting all sides of the room. Women, give as much as your can to the relationship, as what you give most times will return back to you. Also, love yourself enough to be your true self when in a relationship and worry less about if he truly or does not care so much. In time you may be lucky or have already found your one true love. 

X pj

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