The misconception of love and compromise has birthed many wrong ideas in relationships today. Over decades, these similarities has enslaved many and the differences has turned lovers to foes. Hence, loosing intense battles and imprisoning the low hearted. Due to the lack of understanding which “love” and “compromise” embodies in relationships, most people assume both words to mean “self-sacrificing”. I for one think love is “unselfish devotion” and compromise is “selfish attainments”. Love; having loyalty and enthusiasm for a person, which is the ultimate sacrifice, the most powerful of them all cannot be mostly viewed as compromise; an agreement or settlement of a dispute that is reached by each sides making concessions. Especially when it does not equally favour both patois. Hence, favours one partner more than the other.

Take this confusing ride with me and let us discover something new today….

Why should a person live a compromising life. Why should they continually settle? How long will he or she have to live, compromising what they love and who they are for another person. This is not love, is it the death of oneself. A healthy relationship should affirm who each partner is and allow each person to meet his or her needs together with the other.

The old proverb which says “the secret of a happy marriage or relationship is compromise” is disagreeable to some degree. I somewhat fail to agree with this saying, as it does not declare or measure the extent or to whom. If only one person in the union has to each time come to an understanding, then it defeats the purpose of the statement.

Most times, to compromise in a relationship is the act of suppressing the beliefs, discrediting the opinions and undermining the self-confidence of the other partner. This is therefore the act of loosing your being, loosing your identity and forgetting you exist just because of another human being. When certain situations, such as religion, values, family, tolerant levels, goals, career, friendships and more, becomes mandatory to forfeit or bargain in a relationship, then it is not out of love, it is out of personal interest and egotistical reasons.

You might just a well be walking around with someone else’s appearance. This to me is wrong. Self-absorbed individuals cannot expect partners to understand and accommodate, and are yet not willing to relinquish some of the things which makes them whole.

Lacking consideration for a partner in order for the other’s personal profits or pleasures is what is common in relationships today. Be it marriage, mutual friendships or romantic attachments. And I can clearly say women are the major recipient of “The Compromise Prize”. Even though this prize is seen as a “gift of love”, why then is it so hard for her partner to offer same in return. She is thought to understand that marriage is all about compromising. Hence, loosing herself for another. I am sure when she singed up for marriage, she imprinted from a place of admiration and adoration, but not be kept in a dungeon of sacrifices all the days of her life. She might try to hold on for a couple of deprived years, but the loss of oneself will eventually awaken hatred for the other person or partner, which would mostly lead to an abrupt split, abusive relationship, infidelity or sometimes death of the oppressor.

Even if love was communicated to us as compromising for each other, it is not necessarily settling for the other. Love is not meant to be perceived as a compromise in any way, but as a willing sacrifice. Love which is the Ultimate sacrifice, is when you allow people be who they are, if one is to be in a relationship with them. If you do not love them enough to accept them for the things which you do not fancy and compromise some of your habits and beliefs for them as well, then is it better to let this certain person go, so as to find someone else who aligns with your personality and aspirations.

If there is anything you should not compromise, it should be your career goals, your favourable friendships, your dreams, the way you feel about yourself, your core beliefs and values, your relationship with your family and the treatment you are willing to tolerate in a relationship.

Just when you think you can accommodate all the subduing, that becomes the right time you should think of if you can cope a few years not too far off.

A brand new Benz losses its excitement, maximum four weeks after the owner has driven it, as he would now have to bear the prepared or unprepared maintenance burden. Now, it won’t be long before he thinks of a new automobile. This is similar to a new relationship after a couple of months, especially in a selfish partnership. The partner who has more to lose begins to see clearer after the excitement vanishes, asking themselves how long they are to pretend and if this is truly the sort of relationship envisioned. When these questions starts piling up, anger becomes the meal for many days, weeks and years.

Nobody should strip a person of who they are, all in the name of oneness. If you insist on your ways, you should be willing to accept your partners methods as well. If not, after the years are long and the bones have weakened, you will one day wake up to find out you have shared your entire life with an enemy. He or she would have spent years hating you for taking away who they were, because of certain achievements or portrayals which they needed in past times.

X pj

Please subscribe to my blog. Like and comment on posts, if you enjoyed the read or have any suggestions or insights.