Me first; The process of attaining Self-Love. 

In recent times, self-love has become a popular term tossed around very often, a less knowledgeable expression which has brought concern to my line of thinking. Allowing oneself to be human, to make mistakes and to learn from them, as regards to the knowledge that as humans we are not perfect, nor should we be expected to act flawlessly, is a very difficult perception which people cannot conceive. As a consequence, you must permit me to ask if you really know what it means to sincerely love yourself. Since the society has framed a devise in our minds that allows us to see our moral flaws before we even see our true selves. An infliction which has overtime limited our minds into thinking less of ourselves instead of highly. But the good news is that we inherited abundant love and in view of the fact that we carry so much love in our hearts as human beings, we can freely and passionately protect our mind with deep affection. Yet, why then it is so difficult to genuinely give some “LOVE” to yourselves.

Give yourself a break, the time, attention, credit, love and power, but most of all give yourself to you. Raise your hands if your flaws and insecurities tend to meet people before you do or gets through that new door before you enter into a room full of opportunities. I see many hands up. Keep those hands up while I say something really quick.

“The best ways to truly love yourself is by being grateful for all things great and small, and to continually feed the eyes with exhilarating-positive things, as it simultaneously feeds the brain. Therefore, you must have regard for your own well-being and happiness, since nobody can do that for you.”

Now, put those hands down let us talk a little further.

You cannot always be disappointed in yourself when your choices are endless. The capability and capacity to choose are in your hands and you can only attain it if you truthfully adore your being. Genuinely loving oneself has the power to upturn your universe and everything in it to your favour. If you feel undeserving and therefore cannot feel a sense of self-worth and self-esteem for oneself, then you must think and reevaluate the circumstances that influenced the torture you inflict on your mind. Attempting to think that you are a uniquely bitter or confused person, while everyone else is a paragon of virtue is a notion which must be suppressed at all cost. You must find a way to challenge that interpretation of yourself. If your reason for self-doubt is as a result of Past trauma, Addictive behaviour, Behaving unwisely, Avoidance, Immoral mistakes or Ruining relationships, make allowances for you and assemble a coping plan that would force you to act differently incase such situation arises again. Initiate concrete steps by asking yourself what led to the devastating behaviour and rather than punishing yourself with negative thoughts, gently guide yourself in a positive direction.

Have you looked at if from a different perspective? Common, you are not the first and you will not be the last to make a mistake. Hence, stop trash-talking and beating yourself up. Making mistakes should not undo all of your accomplishments and successes or should it mould you into a bad person, as we are unfinished developing beings who are learning everyday. As a consequence of a “work still in progress”, allow yourself to be human by being less judgemental, for the reason that you were not expected to be perfect. View the situation from another perspective and if you find out your were wrong, make amends and move on with life. Also, focus on the positive aspects and acknowledge yourself for trying, even if you weren’t successful. Behavioural change is a process, a pattern that is subjected to undergo alterations, as it is never late to become different. However, if it was someone else that hurt you, let them get away with it without seeking revenge. Seeking vengeance will only cause you to bury hate inside of your body, a choice which would only dispirit your ability to think and live positively. My only advise is that you set boundaries in other to halt such damaging circumstances from happening again.

With gratitude rather than harshly, accept yourself with open hands as an expensive, precious and thrilling gift ever given to you. Shame and self-criticism is never a motivating factor, it is only there to demoralise you. For this reason talk to yourself passionately, just as you would converse deeply with someone you hold dear to your heart. Choose to be kind, patient and gentle with yourself. Choose an open, curious and non-judging attitude, and stop letting people dictate how you should live. You owe it to yourself to love yourself enough to say “NO!, this is not for me”, but so foolish as to say “this is better than nothing”. Perhaps, we should love ourself so fiercely, that when others see us, they will know exactly how it should be done without you saying a word. For self appreciation which is very important to self love, buy yourself flowers, attend a dance class, do a random act of kindness, call a friend or family member to laugh about something outrageous, spend an hour in nature, visit a book store or an art gallery or a luxury store and travel to breathtaking island. Also, write and affix 5 things you are grateful for and 5 affirmations on your mirror each month.

Please note, it is a process, a difficult but gradual process before a person can acquire self-love. However, with time and better understanding, you would learn how to recover better and quicker from stress, be less anxious and more optimistic. Therefore, take all the time, especially in your teenage years to feel as though you are a mess, because when you reach, passing over the line of self-love, you can never go back to being a moral mess again, no matter what the world or life throws at you. As you will never be ashamed of your flaws and inabilities, instead you will show them off with pride and happiness. At that time, you will never be able to take any less of what you are worth, engaging only in activities which you see befitting of your time, since you now deliberately pay attention to your inner experience which takes notice of the different shifts from your positive to negative state of mind.

It is a privilege and a divine gift to love yourself more, so take it by force.
X pj

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